Especially at the beginning of your pregnancy you often run into many uncertainties. Your body changes and suddenly indicates different signals than those you have felt before. For example, in the beginning of pregnancy you may experience a lot of stitches and abdominal pain. This is often a sign that the uterus is growing and is not something to be concerned about.
Blood loss is also part of a pregnancy, but it should not be more than a 2 euro coin in size.
It is also possible that you suddenly do not experience pregnancy complaints from one day to the next, this is not a sign of a miscarriage.
Do you have blood loss that is more than the size of a 2 euro coin
Losing clots of blood (clots) (You may also experience stomach pain with this)
If you are pregnant for 7 weeks or more, we can use the ultrasound to assess whether the pregnancy is intact and whether we see a heart beating. Sometimes we can also see where the blood loss comes from, but that cannot always be traced.
If you are pregnant for 12 weeks or more, we can check the baby’s heart with a doptone during the check-up.
If we unfortunately have to determine that you have a miscarriage, this can feel devastating. Sometimes you can already feel it, but it can also come as a complete surprise. We recommend that you first let the news sink in at home. Later in the day we will contact you by telephone to discuss how you feel, but also what you can possibly expect.
You have several options if your baby is still in the womb:
You can give your body time to reject the pregnancy. In 50-60% this happens within 1-2 weeks.
You can also choose to help the miscarriage start through the gynecologist by means of medication (misoprostol) that you insert yourself, vaginally and at home. With this method the miscarriage usually starts within 24 hours.
You can also opt for a curettage. This is a short procedure by a gynecologist under anesthesia.
The physical complaints you can experience are:
Abdominal pain (menstrual pain).
Blood loss, which can often be compared with a heavy period.
You lose clots of blood (clots). The size of the clots depends on the term of the pregnancy.
At that moment we can indicate what you can expect.
Many women have a difficult time after losing their child during early pregnancy. A miscarriage often has more impact than you can imagine. That applies to you and your partner.
For example, the miscarriage means that your future is different than you thought. The loss suddenly ends all plans and fantasies about the child.
You may wonder why it went wrong. It can be conforming to know that the pregnancy was usually not okay from the start. So that the miscarriage was a natural and logical consequence. But beyond this factual explanation, you may think that you could have done or not done something to prevent the miscarriage. However palpable, feelings of guilt are not justified.
Also good to know: there is no time frame till the grief is over. Everyone experiences it differently. Everyone does it differently. Give yourself what you need. The tips below could help:
Take seriously what you feel. Everything is allowed: sadness, loss, guilt, disbelief, anger, a feeling of emptiness. You may also feel resignation or even relief. That is possible, nothing is crazy.
Talk about it. Maybe with a girlfriend, with your partner, with your sister or a neighbor. Or with parents who have been through the same thing. Of course you are also welcome to talk with us!
Know that your partner will most likely experience and handle the loss differently than you do. That is normal. It is valuable if you can talk about it, with each other and with others.
Do what feels right for you on the moment you think that is. This can be done, for example, by putting a nice statue in your cupboard as a reminder. Plant a tree in your garden or wear a piece of jewelry as a reminder. Write a letter to your unborn child. Burn a candle once in a while. But it could also be that you don’t need any of this. Choose what suits you, suits the both of you.
Read about it. Write about it. There are private groups on Facebook where you can write about your experience, for example the Miscarriage Mums group. Consider completing the book “If you lose your child during pregnancy”, the accessible questions and suggestions will help you process your experiences.
Tell your living child (ren) about it. These are, for example, beautiful picture books to read with young children.
And do you notice that your energy is not returning? Or that you keep worrying? Then seek help to cope with the loss of your baby in your pregnancy. This is not a theme to mess around with. Find guidance that suits you.
You will find free and practical aid at www.miskraambegeleiding.nl:
A checklist to see if your complaints may be related to your miscarriage.
Tips and a handy step-by-step plan to tell your living child (ren) about the miscarriage.
Suggestions to have a pleasant conversation with your partner.
And many experiences of women with one or more miscarriages.
Do you find that you need more to deal with your loss? Take this seriously! A specialized coach can do a lot for you. Then you can be sure that you will receive good help in short term. Good for you, good for your relationship and good for your next pregnancy.
As a midwifery practice we offer this type of coaching. For more information please visit: